Guru Poornima

Like the moon that shines
   In the heavens above
Flawless is your beauty
   Untainted by my love.

*****

It is Guru Poornima today, and most people would think that it is the day to say something sentimental about one's Guru. But the madman I am so helplessly bound to is not very sentimental, most of the time anyway. So taking a cue from him, I will try to tone things down a little and take a clinical look at this peculiar relationship that people have with the Guru.

I have nothing to say about other spiritual masters whom I have never seen. And to be honest, I don't even wish to say anything about the one that I have seen. The idea of saying something meaningful about him is almost terrifying. And yet, I am going to force myself to say something. I am not sure whether what I say will be coherent. But that does not matter. I think most people who have been genuinely touched by Sadhguru's presence even for a moment are completely confused when it comes to verbalizing the experience. Yes, people break into tears and say a lot of sentimental things. I certainly do not wish to look down upon their expressions of emotion. But I think the confusion that precedes these sentiments is much truer expression of what is going on with them. I think the confusion occurs because we experience something that is intense and is yet somehow independent of our emotions.

The connection that people feel with him is not about being strongly attracted to his personality and it is not even about gratitude. My own life has been through many ups and downs (perhaps far more than normal) since I have come into his sphere of influence and I can honestly say that my sentiments have not always been  flowery. And yet, when I have encountered moments when I was absolutely at the end of my tether, he was there. Though this may sound sentimental, it was certainly not so in reality. When you are absolutely at the end of your tether, you are usually too tired to feel emotion. Hollow emotions cannot hold you up at those times. One needs rocks to stand on, one cannot stand on air. And so when I say that he was there, I mean that when I felt that I had lost everything, I found that I had still not lost him. Or perhaps it may sound more sensible if I were to say that I had not lost what he has given me. At those moments I was too tired too feel gratitude or love or to even draw any sort of solace from his presence, and yet, he was just there. Just like the sky and the earth, whether I acknowledged him or not, he was just there. It is not important whether I was able to use his presence to improve my lot. What is relevant here is that when everything seemed to have broken down, when my emotions were exhausted, I was still not free of him. He was there as a way of being. And by being that way, I survived.

I know that this does not explain anything. It is not supposed to. I just wish to say that what pours out of him, what we receive from him cannot really be measured or understood in terms of the outpourings of emotion that occur around him. He describes himself as a mechanic, as someone who just does what is needed. That may sound like a rather clinical, emotionless way to express what he is. And yet, it is fitting that he should be described in this manner. What happens through him is so rich that it does not need to be embellished with emotion. What it actually is, is still a mystery to me. In the immortal words of another great Guru, Master Oogway, "I don't know."

Master Oogway: "I don't know."